ktb :: survivor of traumatic brain injury

welcome to katie berke's website. she is a survivor of a tragic motorcylce accident. take a moment to read her latest journal entry, download a recent news article, learn about tbi, or see about ways you can help. thank you for visiting. you can write to katie by emailing her at katherineshaina@mac.com.

ktb status :: november 10, 2007
updates coming soon.

ktb status :: july 31, 2006
day 1095
today i remember -as if yesterday- that infamous phone call which changed our lives as we knew. it sends a chill down my spine remembering her disfigured, lifeless body. and then, damion’s and his mother’s unforgettable betrayal – is raw acid upon wounded flesh. my career and dreams brought to a screeching halt, because i chose to care for my daughter rather than abandon her to a life of institutionalizations and abuses.

this year we celebrated her third re-birth among other survivors, as it was our hugs night. it was most appropriate indeed.
in her ‘bils y pap’ world, everything is great. her big smile proves it. and of course, it will be even better when she gets all the gold and precious jewels –diamonds, sapphires, and rubies- she has been asking many for. she wholeheartedly believes that just because she survived a 45-day coma she deserves these jewels. all the while, i have been busy intercepting these emails, letters and phone calls, but many have gotten through.
professionals, phd’s, and experts would fail to see only what her mother could easily decipher: her quest with all that glitters and is gold is her desperate reach for what she lost and does not know how to express. yet silently in her own abyss she knows all too well the mourning of the loss of her beloved face that she adorned with such intricate delicacy from a young age, and for which she was valued so much and pursued by the opposite sex. and then, there was her proud $3,000 perfectly straight, bright-white teeth smile which she wore with such pride. how many times has she cried to me in this lifetime that she has no smile and no teeth? countless. of course, almost daily my reply to her is something like,“but you do have a beautiful smile and do not ignore and discard the teeth that you do have darling.”

this month we celebrated ktb's 25th natal birthday and together with her 3rd survivor birthday. i saved up for a special journey of sorts. using jet miles, we took a sojourn to reacquiant ourselves with my foster family in seattle -the hayes. also, we were eager to meet her new 'e-friend', ben, who is also a miracle survivor of a motorcycle collission. his mother, julie, found katherine's site, and they have been in contact ever since. julie has been like an angel to katherine, as her daily communication with ktb is truly priceless. ben's progress is quite remarkable, and this year against the odds he was able to get his aa degree. you go ben!

finally, our days still include our walks with our beloved dog buddy and our regime of scrabble, othello, and possibly rummikub. we kiss and hug, and i tire oh so of what she will or not eat. the rule still applies: take it or leave it. our weeks are always dotted with doctors’ appointments and medication management; and i spend countless hours on the telephone doing advocacy work fighting for her life-dependent benefits.
::veronica

ktb status :: june 2006
working outside katie’s window doing my ritual sunday gardening, i heard her call one of her friend’s from her previous life. “hi, this is katherine. i miss you.” this triggered once again the many thoughts that had been dancing my head for so long bringing tears to my eyes. it forced me to stop my beloved ritual, as i needed to tell some of what had not been said. would anyone care? Perhaps not, but more importantly, it is a story worthy of telling for my peace of mind, for her dignity, and in honor of the many other tbi survivors who may have had similar experiences.
yes, she did survive. and, as i have stated before, the metamorphosis is all too real.

KTB – Survivor of TBI
What she has gotten and not gotten:
A life saved by quick-acting, good samaritan -doctor wareham- and respiratory therapist at the scene of the accident
Never got the proper eulogy for the person we knew, loved and lost on that infamous night on the asphalt of the 101 FWY and Rancho Road on 7.30.2003
Received compassion from strangers
Lies and deceit from driver and his mother, in addition to abandoning all financial and moral responsibility/obligation for causing a life-altering permanent disability.
A transformed life that continues the transformation;
Yet, WHO SHE WAS NO LONGER EXISTS
A caregiver beside her at all times
Permanent partial vision loss
Lifetime social security benefits as a disabled survivor of Traumatic Brain Injury
Permanent loss of ability to drive
Stared at as some sort of freak person in public places
Been forgotten/abandoned by friends/acquaintances from her previous life
Received generosity from the kindness of the community and strangers
Lost ability to ride a bicycle down the street or in Yosemite or wherever
Been called a hero
Lost ability to smell, and how she likes perfumes anyway!

:: veronica

ktb status :: january 2006

i took a couple off days off for respid. upon my return, there was a message from someone in india trying to locate veronica, mother of ktb. i tried the number, but could not connect.

today, i had a very interesting phone call: it was a conference call from one company in the usa and one in india asking for the whereabouts of leanne moje [damion’s mother]. at first i just wanted to hang up the phone. then one of the gentlemen pleaded with me to please listen. i was asked if I knew her. i hesitated and said no. the gentlemen went on to say that he had read kt’s site and new that her son had been involved in an accident with my daughter. they told me “were are trying to locate her because about 3 years ago she borrowed $26,000 from us and disappeared.” i told them I wished them good luck finding her and/or getting any money from her. she disappeared with some $40,000 her dead son had earned for my injured daughter [at least that was the story they told me], and to date never gave her a penny. i told them, “leanne is a poisoned well and she created her own karma.” they were very apologetic, sorry for my daughter’s tragedy, and vowed to help me when they track her down.

obviously the bad apple did not fall far from the tree. this is not a judgment i am making, merely an observation. apparently, those who knew them [damion and leanne] knew the havoc they reeked among others. anonymous people have stated that damion destroyed everything he came across.

it was a phone call that took me for a loop. i have worked long and hard to forgive and forget, although I live with the daily reminders. I care for kt daily; I see the motorcycles; I drive by the accidents; I counsel brain injury survivors and loved ones, and so on. and still, to this day, the greatest injury of all, were the lies and the deceit from both leanne and damion, and worst yet, the ability for leanne to never give kt the note damion left her [probably threw it away as it may have revealed something, uh?], and to refuse to give kt the money they had both promised for her? From time to time, i wonder how does she sleep at night? how can she live with herself?

at least for me, regardless of the hardships, i have peace in my heart.
i am no saint, but i have done well, and do my best for the good of all. i can face the great spirit with humility and dignity.

and once again, I think back to the day when kt was telling about meeting damion. i asked, what’s his name again? “damion,” she replied. i said, “sounds more like a demon to me.” maybe my spirit knew something was up…

happy new year, good health, and contentment to all :)

namaste!
veronica

ktb status :: december 2005

today was a long awaited for day. in fact, we had waited since july for the surgical braces day. this very important step [and thanks to dr redmond et al] puts kt a step closer for the eventual teeth implants by 2007! the photo shows some of the work done by dr shore [beautiful crowns] and the two middle, lower teeth that will need to be removed as there is no bone there to support them. her mouth is a collaborative masterpiece in process thanks to a group of talented surgeons and specialists who would not give up on kt. we are most grateful for them and all who have helped us along the way. i truly believe this is what buddhist call turning poison into medicine.

late summer/early fall 2006, kt should ready for the maxilla and mandible surgeries, and we trust that all will go well with those. we know those will be painful and not a pleasant stage of the journey, but we will triumph.

kt’s days are simple for the time being: we play scrabble and other games, go on walks with buddy- our new best friend, do chores together, etc. she likes emails [as many of you know] and gets a bit obsessed burning cds to mail to people. she goes through spells of throwing things away, so i have to try to remember to check the trashcans.

late january i hope to start her on an interactive metronome program to increase her memory and brain functioning [money is the obstacle, as all the therapies are out of pocket now]. later, i hope to raise funds for hyperbaric [oxygen] chamber treatments. also to help the rehabilitation process.

some say [not any insurance, of course] we are still in the early stages of the post-injury recovery. Meaning there is still much that can be done to help the healing and rehabilitating process. Problem is having access to worthwhile facilities...

We are continuing with our brain injury support group here in thousand oaks, which kt enjoys, as is her social space.

thanks for staying tuned in.... i am sure kt would like to hear from
you.

veronica